I don’t know why nobody has thought of this before, but allowing fire ants to put their venom into your erect penis will make it even bigger. The inflammation that the reaction usually causes will make that swag dick even swagger when the girls walk up. Sure, your shaft will look more like it belongs to a Native American, but who cares? Your peepee has to get bigger somehow.

Step 1: Find a colony of fire ants. This should be relatively quick and easy to someone living closer to the Equator. Those closer to the poles will have quite the journey to acquire a huge wang.

Step 2: Get that dick swole. Think of various sexy beings and become the most rock-hard you’ve ever been in your life.

Step 3: Dig straight into the opening of the colony. Either with your hands or a tool, expose as many ants as you possibly can. If any end up on what you are using to dig them up with, brush them off into the swarm of the other pissed off little bugs. The more ants to swell you up, the better.

Step 4: Take a deep breath, and push that little willie in there. Make sure to keep it in there for a while so that your schlong gets maximum expansion potential.

Keep in mind that the effect doesn’t last forever, so use that enormous phallic member of yours wisely, whether it be to send to your romantic parter, or to perform intercourse with someone. When the entire length of your penis feels like it is on fire, that would be a safe time to yank it out. Brush off those ants and say hello to your brand new magnum dong.