**20. Bellend**

Yet more anatomical cursing. In terms of housekeeping, it’s nice that there’s one single word to describe the head of a penis, but I think users of swear words would actually find the term ‘penis head’ a far more satisfactory way to refer to someone that is precisely that. Try it yourself. Call someone a penis head today!

**19. Tit**

you’re going to find that calling someone a boob is far more satisfactory than this allegedly vulgar term that Drake and Josh’s sister coined during that wonderful television show. Tit is also a type of bird, and probably more satisfying than calling someone a chaffinch.

**18. Fanny**

One time I met a girl on holidays and her name was legitimately Fanny, so I struggle to take this swear word seriously. Add to that, the fact that Americans use it to refer to an overall butt and we’re in a situation where the word has lost all credibility entirely. Geographically speaking, where even is the fanny?

**17. Snatch**

Here are my personal understandings of the word ‘snatch’ – it is a movie directed by Guy Ritchie and it is the act of grabbing something aggressively. I refuse to acknowledge it as any other meaning, let alone a swear word. Much like the current price of Freddos, it’s just not good enough.

**16. Clunge**

This particular swear word sounds like something a plumber would do with some weird looking tool when you’ve overloaded your toilet. ‘Yeah looks like it’s an easy enough job, I’ll just get behind the sink, give it a quick clunge and we’ll be good to go’. Also, calling someone a vagina is 100% more satisfying. That’s tried and tested.

**15. Gash**

I went to school with a girl whose surname was Gash, so I can’t now and never will take this curse word seriously. It also sounds too violent for the nature it’s intended to relate to. ‘The patient has suffered a serious gash, but is said to be in a stable condition’. Hah he suffered a vagina, what an idiot

**14. Prick**

A nurse’s warning before an injection is difficult to take seriously when used in a swear word capacity. Yes it’s also a word for penis, but at the same time it’s an effective method of drawing blood. For instance, pinch wouldn’t be a great swear word. ‘Fuck off Jeremy you utter pinch’.

**13. Twat**

Or as the Americans say, \*shudders\*, twot. It’s a decent swear word, especially if you really want to undermine someone without going the full monty and calling them the c-word. Twat is a lighter, more family friendly version of many insults that you can get away with if you don’t particularly fancy being murdered.

**12. Punani**

A fair recipient of the title Funniest Swear Word Ever, this particular curse is very versatile, it sounds like something off an Indian menu and can be shortened to ‘poon’ if you’re feeling adventurous. Unlike many of the above entries, punani is actually far more satisfactory than its true meaning – female genitalia. ‘Derek, you’re such a female genitalia’ doesn’t have as much oomph.

**11. Pussy**

This special curse word is a lot of fun because people, particularly the elderly, use it frequently without any malice intended. Many of us will have been subjected to our grandparents trying to get the cat indoors by saying ‘Here pussy’ and had to stifle our laughter. If a group of lads go on patrol in Magaluf but not for pussy, did they ever really go on patrol at all? also you!

**10. Minge**

Definitely a French word for something like grapes, minge is a very decent swear word. It’s exotic, edgy and always a great grounds for outrageous graffiti. I’ve seen ‘Kelly has a smelly minge’ scrawled across more bathroom doors than I’ve seen it scrawled across hot dinners.

**9. Cock**

Despite one being on the front of a Corn Flakes box, cock is a really solid swear word. You can describe a situation as being cock, a person as being a cock and if you’re feeling particularly spicy, a group of people as a load of cock. Cocks literally make the world go round.

**8. Knob**

It’s the silent ‘k ‘ that really clinches this one. Any swear word for penis is typically a winner, as this top ten fully reflects. Knob, similar to number 11 in the list, is an everyday word that can often be used innocently which makes its appeal as a swear word even more so. Shoutout to the shop in Dublin that’s legitimately called ‘Knobs and Knockers’.

**7. Dickhead**

Close your eyes. Picture a person with an actual dick for a head. Open your eyes. Doesn’t the world feel brighter somehow? Like everything hasn’t quite fallen to pieces just yet. Every time you call someone a dickhead, an angel’s dick falls off. If you’re feeling particularly intellectual, you can call someone a Richard Cranium and see how long it takes for them to figure it out.

**6. Dick**

A shortened version of the aforementioned swear, dick is particularly excellent because it’s also a popular name among elderly men. I used to play tennis in a club where there were two coaches named Dick and Willy. Needless to say, it wasn’t long before I was asked to leave the premises and return when I’d matured. Still haven’t gone back tbh.

**5. Bastard**

People are called bastard all the time, with little regard to whether their parents were married at the time of their birth. Most of us know a few legitimate bastards, but mostly it’s the inauthentic bastards that get told what’s what. I’ll call anyone a bastard if they wrong me, so watch your back.

**4. Fuck**

The average adult uses this word upwards of 200 times a day, 400 if they’re working in an office environment, or with children. Everything about the word ‘fuck’ is perfect. Fuck you, fuck me, fuck him, fuck her, fuck you (plural), fuck us, fuck them, fuck everything. Fuck.

**3. Motherfucker**

In the business of swearing, things are taken to a slightly edgier level when you bring a parent into it. Technically, everyone’s dad is a motherfucker, but in my experience, they don’t enjoy being made aware of this fact. In instances of extreme frustration, motherfucker, at a beefy four syllables long, can offer the desired release.

**2. Wanker**

Most people are wankers, it’s a perfectly normal thing to do. But for some reason, folks aren’t too keen on being reminded of that, particularly those in a position of power such as parents, teachers and members of the clergy. If you combine the appropriate hand gesture with wanker, you’re onto a winner.

**1. Cunt**

I felt nervous even typing this word. Cunt is the one of the few swear words that’s just an absolute no go in many situations. In my house, you can get away with a decent selection of bad swears, but if you even so much as try to drop a C-bomb, you’ll be emancipated by sundown.

0.5. Nonce

just a pedo really… that one guy kicked me from his clan on clash of clans because of that, FUCK YOU \*IveGOTaBigcoc\* NO ONE LOVES YOU <3