Ok so I farrgged up

Ok so today I broke me pegleg bone off. I decided, “ahoy, I should treat meself ‘n cum tonight”. Do I did wha’ any shameless porn addicted male would do. I jerked off fer about 3 hours straight. I guess ’cause I couldn’t handle th’ rapid heart beat I got knocked out aft th’ 50th cum. Me new log btw. I woke up t’ me mom poundin’ on th’ door. She said “ahoy scallywag, finish jackin’ off then get out ’tis time fer yer gummie vitamins!!”. I knew I couldn’t wench me vitamins ’cause I was startin’ t’ get Covid-19 symptoms ‘n I needed an immune booster. So I swabed up me cum filled sink. When I pulled up me pants, I noticed somethin’ unusual. Although I was fully hard me 2 inch rod o’ wonders was slightly bent t’ starb’rd about th’ halfway mark. I didn’ wants me pee t’ get blocked in th’ bend, so I did wha’ anyone would do. I lined it up at th’ counter, suspended jus’ beside it. I swung me Slim Jim™ into th’ side, hopin’ th’ force would whip it back into shape. But somethin’ unexpected happened. I swung me meat at unmesurable speeds, faster than light, faster than sounds, faster than Sonic th’ blue cur could ever run. Th’ momentum caused me pegleg t’ fly off at ultrasonic speeds, wit’ a blood trail behind it. ’twas a swab cut, though mighty noticeable through me clear plastic undies. Surely me mom would be angered by th’ missin’ pegleg. So I did wha’ I had t’ do. I cut me finger swab off, then trimmed it down t’ starb’rd shortness so she wouldna notice. Then I stuck it t’ th’ artificial vagina wit’ me sticky putty. Surely ‘twould go by unnoticed. But then, when me mom careened o’er t’ put me vitamins up me urethra, she noticed ’twas gone. “Ye know wha’ happens t’ scallywag strumpets Jimmy” me mother said. She grabbed th’ ball stretchin’ device, attached it onto me testicles, ‘n pulled th’ lever. Th’ ball stretcher elongated nigh-on half a league. Two miles. Three miles. ’twas startin’ t’ stretch so far, I could feel it start t’ rip. Finally, th’ nut skin gave in, ‘n ripped. Th’ whole state if Kentucky was covered in me seed. I started t’ loose consciousness. it all faded t’ black. I felt naught. I was at peace.