When I was 1, I was baptized. Personally, I did not appreciate it, though it did make me learn that being waterboarded is not fun. I did the communion when I was 8. Then at 16, I sadly committed a sin and impregnated a ghetto girl. I quickly confessed to my local priest, but it was then that I discovered he was not so holy. Unfortunately, she had an abortion against my will. I still regret not « convincing » her to keep the baby as God wanted it to be. My parents wanted me to get married to her, but I thought God wanted me to be honest, so I went on the top of the school at recess and I shouted: « That goddamn bitch had an abortion, but yes, I did impregnate her, and God, please forgive me. » The students proceeded to pick up stones and threw them at me saying you fucking bitch, retard, and other things that were really not worthy of a Christian world. After that, I quit school, and almost became a priest until I met my woman, who turned out to be that goddamn bitch of a ghetto girl, so I slapped her so hard that she never woke up. I felt like Cain when he murdered what’s his name: no regret. I have since then attended church every day hoping that for my numerous capital sins. I revirginized myself when I was 32, not that I had much experience other than that fucking that bitch of a lady demon who had an abortion. I wear a turban because I can simply shout « allah akbar » and I get everything in the store for free