Okay you little bitch barbie. Go cry to mommy cuz you struggle with a burger. It’s okay to pig out and eat like an animal sometimes. It’s ok to get messy. It’s okay if the burger falls apart and covers your fingers in ketchup and mayo and you tear the monster apart with your fingers and then lick the delicious juices off your fingers. That’s the appeal of burgers to some people. The messiness and visceral process of eating it.

Every bite doesn’t have to be a perfect longitudinal bifurcation of the burger. Not everything has to be easy, sterile and clean. Especially not burgers.

Your ancestors feasted on roasted lamb carcasses that they eviscerated with their bare hands and you’re bitching about messy slippery berger too hard to eat