So there I was; by the pool table in the back. I had this fly Gucci belt on and a nice shirt, tucked in. I was a little drunk so I figured I’ll retuck my shirt because I have swag and I look good. I mean the Lord bless me with really broad shoulders and a thin waist and I’ve been at the gym working hard so I wanna show that shit off on New Year’s night.So there I go, unzip pants, push button shirt all the way down, tuck, buckle swaggy Gucci belt.

All of a sudden, “HES TAKING HIS DICK OUT”, screams an angry Karen. I’m like” lol what”. But then the staff member right next to me who obviously did not see me take my penis out because I didn’t goes, “GET OUT!“. My initial thought in my head is why was this Karen staring at my midsection so hard? It’s like dark in here, I don’t have the best eyesight, but I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to see someone’s penis if they even do take it out in this dark bar.

My friend right next to me is laughing. Security goes “that’s pants guys friend! You too let’s go!” I found it interesting that there was no effort to investigate these claims, or see if they were even any other witnesses to this claim.

I was a little drunk so instead of defending myself (but let’s be honest when a white Karen in socially progressive San Francisco accuses a brown man of sexual misconduct what chance do I really have here?) I start yelling at the security guard calling him a bitch. I gladly walk out while repeatedly calling him a bitch. I had another group of friends present who came out and asked why I was kicked out (I already was on my way to Jaxons) and apparently security told them I peed on people. Apparently with every 5 feet walked down the aisle the rumor was morphed into something dumber just like a high school rumor. Of course there were no witnesses in this crowded bar other than Karen herself. Her Karen friends immediately around her didn’t see anything either.

Hours later my friend had become quite intoxicated and decided that the way I was treated was unfair. He said that I have no principle for letting everyone walk all over me. He goes back and spends 30 minutes trying to fight the staff. I haven’t used my football blocking skills since high school but I still got it. A couple of knee surgeries haven’t done a thing to hold me back, because boy I’ve been in the gym doing deadlifts.

If you saw this 30 minute ordeal on New Years at Bluelight it was my friend and me. Now I was thinking about why Karen lied about this. I initially just assumed that she thought she saw something she didn’t. But then I came to a more sinister conclusion. In feminist Uber liberal San Francisco it’s probably more likely that she would have taken offense to the gesture of a man unzipping his pants to tuck in his shirt because of male privilege or patriarchy or whatever rich white women have convinced themselves that they are oppressed by. Like she thought it was a lewd gesture that signified some oppression she was victim of and was offended by it.

How plausible is this? Am I over analyzing or is this just another reason why San Francisco sucks?