Everyone.

This is the most important battle you will ever take part in. We must all stand united against the common enemy of Activision Blizzard. We are in a war and the only way we are going to win is by never giving up.

Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by caving in and paying for a free to play game. He won it by making the evil corporation give in to their demands and to provide a fair equitable game. Men, all this stuff you’ve heard about the community not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of this cause for noble justice, is a lot of horse dung. Gamers, traditionally, love to fight. All real Gamers love the sting of battle.

When you were kids, you all admired the champion Olympians, the fastest runner, the big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Gamers love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Gamers play to win all the time. Now, I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That’s why Gamers have never lost and will never lose a war. Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Gamers.

You know, by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we’re going up against. By God, I do. We’re not just going to leave poor reviews on itunes. We’re going to raise hell on every social media platform. We’re going to communicate directly with blizzard developers and the shill streamers and let them know that we won’t stand for it.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you’ll chicken-out under fire. Don’t worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. Blizzard are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Make them feel bad. When you complete a quest for 800xp that a moment before was worth 60g, you’ll know what to do.

Now, there’s another thing I want you to remember. I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position.

We’re not holding anything.

We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything — except the enemy.

We’re going to hold onto him by the nose, and we’re gonna kick him in the ass.

We’re gonna kick the hell out of him all the time, and we’re gonna go through him like crap through a goose!

Now, there’s one thing that you men will be able to say when this is all over, and you may thank God for it.

Thirty years from now when you’re sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, “What did you do in the great Blizzard rebellion” — you won’t have to say, “Well, I stuck my head in the sand and bought more packs.”

Alright now you sons-of-bitches,

You know how I feel.

Oh, I will be proud

to lead you wonderful guys

into battle anytime,

anywhere.

That’s all.