Everyone knows it is the umbrella. Not only for aesthetic purposes but for the sheer pleasure of it’s presence alone. I sometimes cry when I open my umbrella, outside the house of course in order to protect myself from bad luck. I think it is quite clear for most people when they try to write about the basic umbrella experience it creates such a sense of awe and wonder that we sometimes feel like the immensity of life is held in that one umbrella. Boy, I sure do like any type of umbrella. I mean any color or fabric is fine by me. Sometimes, when I’m lonely, I will open that sucker up inside to tempt the gods and bring a sense of danger into my life. I think that may be why my luck isn’t really going that good anymore. It’s turned down ever since around ’06 or so. That’s also around the time I got big into opening my umbrella inside. I used to have it all and then I decided that it wasn’t enough and I needed more and more. I couldn’t control myself and in that moment of complete loss I felt free, not necessarily from the umbrella or even from my galoshes but free from the shackling of limb and life that is this great country. Then about a second or so later I realized that I am a true patriot and I need to wise up to the cons of the anti-umbrella men in their strange attire with their strange agendas. I feel the poinciana and brilliance of your question brings out such astounding feelings of lucid sexual desire that I can hardly contain myself. I am going to go find my umbrella after this post that’s for sure. Thank you friend.