A little bit of backstory.

I started playing CS:GO around two or three years ago. When I first started out I already saw and knew firsthand that the game was going to be challenging. I knew that it was going to be difficult, but I am now at a loss.

As time went on, just as we all did, I began to learn callouts, tactics, plays and other things.

I began to learn the concept of jigglepeeking, strafing etc.

I’ve used almost every aim training map that they have out there which people have told me to use.

I’ve practiced my spraypatterns every day for weeks at a time.

I’ve done just about everything in the book that people have told me to try and get better. I’ve taken month long breaks, I’ve taken breathers, sit outs and all other manner of just underline resting periods.

I feel as though nothing has helped.

As much as I hate to admit it, it has also started to impact my personal life.

Friends, family and others tell me I don’t act like how I used to. They say my personality has been changed and I notice it too.

I’ve sat awake at night thinking to myself, “Why do I keep trying to get better at something I know I’m no good at?”

But then I hear people tell me that I’m not necessarily bad but then I’m not necessarily good either.

All in all it has made me pretty emotionally upset and overall depressed me more often than not.

I can’t quit. Not now. I feel like I’ve invested far too much time into the game to stop now. I don’t know what goal I’m trying to reach, what possible end game I’m looking for that will finally sate this hunger to get better.

You sit there and wish that there was a magic word or something that could just make you better. But there is no such word.

I find myself sitting and my desk day in and day out, thinking, plotting doing anything I can to try and think of how to get better.

I’ve tried calming myself down, steadily breathing, not getting uppity or angry yet I find it still doesn’t work.

If I could put into words the level of discouragement I feel that has resulted from CS:GO, I would try. But I can’t.

I guess the underline point is, is I’m ready to give up. I feel like everyone around me is better than me at everything. Aiming, playstyle, peeking, whatever else.

It even feels like it has carried over into other games such as PUBG and even offline games like Fallout.

So if anyone has any suggestions or any advice to give I’d appreciate it.

Thanks.

-Asher.