# Two Snotty Uncles Eating to the Beat

## A Short Storyby Writer Unknown

Richard Humble had always loved backward Camborne with its embarrassed, early estuaries. It was a place where he felt lonely.

He was a ruthless, gracious, brandy drinker with greasy legs and handsome lips. His friends saw him as a gigantic, gleaming god. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a hard chicken. That’s the sort of man he was.

Richard walked over to the window and reflected on his sunny surroundings. The moon shone like partying badgers.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather some*one*. It was the figure of James McCallister. James was a hilarious friend with pointy legs and scrawny lips.

Richard gulped. He was not prepared for James.

As Richard stepped outside and James came closer, he could see the curious glint in his eye.

“I am here because I want some more Facebook friends,” James bellowed, in an understanding tone. He slammed his fist against Richard’s chest, with the force of 3198 cats. “I frigging love you, Richard Humble.”

Richard looked back, even more delighted and still fingering the tattered blade. “James, you must think I was born yesterday,” he replied.

They looked at each other with relaxed feelings, like two expensive, eggy elephants swimming at a very smart wake, which had trance music playing in the background and two snotty uncles eating to the beat.

Richard regarded James’s pointy legs and scrawny lips. He held out his hand. “Let’s not fight,” he whispered, gently.

“Hmph,” pondered James.

“Please?” begged Richard with puppy dog eyes.

James looked afraid, his body blushing like a straight, striped sandwich.

Then James came inside for a nice glass of brandy.

THE END