So It was a normal saturday and I was filling up my car at a gas station and I looked at the little hole where you put the gas pump in and I thought “Hmmm what if I put my penis in it” So I did it… it was cold and plasticky in there, nothing to write home about… Anywho, on my drive home I felt this strong burning in my urethra so I remembered that if there is a wound you need to sterilize it with a match… So I pull over on the freeway and stick a lit match in my urethra and the whole schlong is set ablaze. So I am sitting in my car screaming on the freeway with my penis on fire and suddenly a cop shows up to ask why I am parked in the middle of a freeway he sees my flaming skin snake and pulls out his gun… He fires three rounds into my skull killing me instantly and he puts out the fire with his mouth on my dead body.