Jesus Christ. Here I go again. I thought I was safe but apparently not. That asshole Snow decided to throw me into the Hunger Games again. Now look at me. On one of 24 pedestals surrounding a giant metal cornucopia. *Absolutely perfect.* Welp. I’m gonna die today. That’s fine. I don’t have any other plans anyway. I stare at the Cornucopia. 10 seconds. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. BWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

I dash to the Cornucopia and grab a boomerang \[insert “okay boomer” joke here\] and run out, slitting the throat of the girl from District 12 before sprinting into the desert. Then I died of heat stroke. My face appeared in the sky. Woop-dee-doo. Look, under my face reads “DISTRICT 6” in huge bold capital letters.

I wake up in a hotel. Suddenly a spear imbeds itself in my jugular. I bleed to death in bed. Then I wake up, my sheets caked with blood. “What the actual hell?”