it was ‘99 I was becoming a man. Pounding away at a girl I was dating at the time. I had eaten some very spicy food earlier, and while I was uncomfortable in the gut I wasn’t going to ignore the hormones surging in my loins. It was cowgirl style, and it was hot and heavy. Her breath was in my face and one or two hairs kept getting in my mouth as I gasped for the oxygen required to sustain my massive boner. It was at that time I knew. I knew I had to throw her off me because it was time. It was time to take a massive leap to the bathroom. I threw her to the side and dashed there. I vomited the spicy food. Hard. It was difficult to bear, that slight acidic burn o the throat, but almost totally liquid. I’d not puked up the spicy food.

I quickly brushed my teeth and the inquiries into if I was okay at the same time. “Keep going?” I said. She replied “ok.” and this time for caution I hit it from the top. My balls were slapping her asshole like an abusive drunk trying to break down a lovers door during a quarrel. But all this rocking motion just set alight the flame in my sweet belly once more. I stood up. This time calmly walking to the throne while I could feel my mouth salivating. It knew what was to come.

I projectile vomited so hard that spicy chunks of food blew out my nose. I curled next to the toilet having almost near instant relief from the burning in my stomach. Now replaced with the most hellish ignition in my nasopharyngeal passage. The fine delicate hairs and turbinates had been coated in an acidic capsaicin hell from which there was no escape.

It felt as if I had used a dollar bill to snort the inside of a wasps nest. I blew my mucous filled nose out and again brushed my teeth. I looked at my concerned lover. “Try again?” I said. “Ok.” she replied.

I worked on that vagina like a hyperactive pumpjack, eventually blowing what was certainly the largest nut of my life very literally all over her ass. She complained immediately, and I said “You should probably wash that off, my dad said he isn’t ready to be a grandfather.”

To this day I recall the resentment in her face as she waddled to the bathroom to shower off my giant load. We didn’t have the experience to consider the post nut cumrag. Times were different then.