I would be the Big John (or number 2) from Jimmy Johns, and I will tell you exactly why. First, a note about the competition: the streamlined and compact design of Jimmy Johns sandwiches makes them ideal for any tactical situation, improving the likelihood of obtaining a successful hit on your opponent when thrown / launched. This is a stark contrast to classic sandwich designs that involved two separate slices of bread: while they are able to contain a larger payload, they are outclassed by far in terms of range and speed. Even Subway sandwiches, which share some similarities to Jimmy Johns sandwiches, are not nearly as effective, as their weight and bulk lowers their effective range and makes dodging and executing counterattacks much simpler. Thus, it is clear that the Jimmy Johns sandwich is the most effective by far considering the weak competition. You might ask: “why number 2″ out of all the different sandwich combinations?”. The answer is simple: it is a generalist. Other sandwiches, like the tuna wrap or the BLT excel in their own, specific scenarios: tuna is excellent for causing maximum mayhem and carnage at close range, while the BLT is ideal for precise marksmanship. However, the number 2 is amazing in its simplicity: the roast beef, lettuce, and tomato are packed tightly into the sandwich, forming a light but deadly payload, which is then held firmly between the bread by the mayo. But do not be fooled by its simplicity, for this design allows it to preform admirably in almost any form of sandwich combat imaginable. Time and time again other sandwiches have attempted to surpass it, but to no avail. And so, for my sandwich of choice, I choose the most feared sandwich of them all: the number 2 from Jimmy Johns! 

(PS It tastes pretty good too, so you can also eat it, you know, if you’re into that kind of thing…)

(Credit to my classmate in 12th grade English)