During Basic Training all HM Forces recruits are trained how to cleanse themselves (shower, flannel bath, field wash etc.). You may laugh, but it is actually for a purpose that, to the uninitiated, may not spring to mind. We all want to be sweet smelling little soldiers, or so you would think, but sods law dictates that for every platoon there will be a minger (person with poor levels of hygiene). This is seriously bad for morale. No one likes a minger in their team. By virtue of having trained you to cleanse yourself properly, the Army now has a lawful remedy should you not adhere to your official training. For the Army it is the Queens Regulations (QR’s). Run afoul of the QR’s and you will find yourself doing hokey in the pokey! There are other remedies for dealing with mingers, but they are now deemed illegal, unfortunately!

During the physical shower demonstration the Corporal will often say something amusing using weapon handling terminology, such as the following:

“Strike, seize, and grasp the penis in your left hand.

Cock your foreskin by pulling the skin of your penis deftly to the rear in one smooth action.

Using the soapy flannel in your right hand, scrub, polish and buff the glans ….. that’s ‘bell-end’ to the ignorant …. , making sure that you dislodge any foreign material such as Mars Bar wrappers, dusty camels or frogs. Note that there is no current requirement that you use a pull-through patch to clean the bore of your penis!

Once complete, cock, hook and look, to ensure that the glans is polished to a shine that will allow me to see my face in it.