Stop! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch. The what? The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it. Nobody threw it away. And so there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. Then one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. Darren touched the cheese! No, I didn’t! I just looked at it! Really! Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. And so began the Cheese Touch Frenzy. Friend turning on friend. Brother turning on sister. It was madness. Until a German exchange student named Dieter Muller took it away. Dieter has the Cheese Touch! Ze Cheese Touch? Vat is it? Vat does it mean, ze Cheese Touch?? Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Nooooooooooooooo…! Thankfully, he moved back to Dsseldorf and took the Cheese Touch with him. And so the cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.