I (34M) got fired from my job at Walmart today because I’m “always calling out sick” and “never do my job” (fucking capitalist pigs), so I got home much earlier than expected. When I walked through the door I was about to write a long rant about my wrongful termination on r/antiwork, but then I heard loud noises coming from upstairs. My wife (32F) was moaning loudly, and it sounded like the mattress was bouncing up and down.

I couldn’t believe it. My wife was having an affair! I ran upstairs and opened the bedroom door, only to see my wife getting railed by none other than the President of Ukraine himself, Volodymyr Zelenskyy (44M). His balls were even bigger than I had imagined.

They were so focused on what they were doing that they didn’t even seem to notice that I was there. Then my wife screamed “SLAVA UKRAINI!” as she had what looked like the most intense orgasm I had ever seen. I quickly scurried out of there, got back in my car, and started driving away.

I just don’t know how to feel right now. On one hand, I can’t believe my wife is cheating on me. On the other hand, President Zelenskyy is my hero (even though I had never even heard of him until last month) and I think he should be allowed to do anything (and anyone) he pleases.

What say you, Reddit? AITA?