Well, actually, Tuesday I fucked up by taking a shit that destroyed part of my house, but rule #4 prevented this post from happening for a couple days. In the end, that’s probably a good thing for the post, because the shit was just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been fucking up every day since when trying to deal with this.
Tuesday morning, about 3 AM, I wake up and go to the bathroom. I sit down and know I’m in for some trouble because this dump is large and about to punish my butthole. Some pain and minutes later, I finish up and flush the toilet. Clogged. I shut the rising water off, grab the plunger and get to work. That clog ain’t budging. Screw this, it’s 3am, I’ll deal with it after I actually wake up. I go to work on it again in the morning. Still ain’t budging. Screw it. I shower and go to work, I’ll deal with it when I get home.
I get home, head into the bathroom. The bowl of the toilet reeks. It’s lined with dry shit water. I turn the water back on to let it fill back up and rinse the bowl, then I go sit down and watch some TV. About 15 minutes later, I hear a loud crash. There always used to be loud crashes in this house with no explanation, we’d chuckle and say it must be the ghost. Without missing a beat, I chuckled and thought, “must be the ghost.” About 1/2 an hour later, I had to piss, and remembered I needed to unclog a toilet too. I walk around the corner, open the door, and holy shit.
The toilet is running. The flapper never came down and it just kept filling and filling until the floor is covered in shit water. I start to panic and dash in, throw towels on the ground, it’s not enough. I run into my bedroom and start grabbing old shirts to throw down. Still not enough. I run back and grab an old sheet and comforter off the bed. That manages what’s on the floor. As I stand there wrapping my head around this, I remember the crash 1/2 an hour earlier. My eyes dart to A/C vent on the floor… motherfucker, who puts a vent on the floor? I do the math and take off down the steps into the basement.
HVAC ducts all over the floor. Shitty pouring down through where those pipes used to be, all over the wash and dryer, all over cardboard boxes, clothes, files, records. And then I grab a nearby stool and sit down and watch as the water slows to a steady drip. “Oh. Shit. This is bad.”
Mopped the basement up, and started to let it dry. Came back up stairs and went into the bathroom. Threw the shit water soaked rug into the tub. Continued cleaning up what water was left over with my soon to be trashed shirts and bed clothes. Go into my bedroom to sit down and take just take everything in again. “Hm, this carpet is a little wet. Must have tracked some water in with me earlier.” Fuck up number two. And in the end, the grandest fuck up.
Later that night, I notice the carpet isn’t really drying. The wet foot prints I left, they were starting to become pretty soggy. I grab a towel, drop it on top of it, and start trying to soak it up. Fuck up number three because there was no method to my madness. I should have been working from the outside in. Instead, I was just spreading all that water out. By the end of the night, two or three soggy foot prints becomes a giant puddle of shit water in my carpet that will not relent. I stay up until around 2 AM, going at it from the outside in this time, but the damage has already been done. I put a fan on it and go to bed.
Wake up Wednesday morning. It’s pretty bad. On the way home from work, I swing by a hardware store to rent a wet vac. The internet seemed pretty high on these thing’s ability to suck water out of a carpet. Six hours later, I’ve maybe sucked 1/2 gallon a of water out. In the end, I think it only made things worse as several spots seemed much wetter than before. That’s what, TIFU #4?
Things didn’t seem too bad on Thursday. With the exception of a couple spots, the carpet was just damp. I kept a fan on it when it wasn’t covered. Washed and dried some towels, dropped them to soak and went out for a couple hours. I get home, and the smell of shit is permeating through the house. I didn’t think to close off the few A/C vents that still work.
Friday morning. The carpet smell begins to hit. It wasn’t too strong though. I take to the internet again. If your carpet’s a bit damp, what does the internet tell you to do? Baking soda! So I threw that baking soda down and left for work. Turns out baking soda will fuck up your vacuum cleaner. I guess that’s not too serious because it’s not like it’ll do it right off that bat, but I just feel like this week keeps on kicking. At this point, I’m out of ideas. I’m pretty sure it’s gone through to the subfloor. Tearing the carpet and padding up wasn’t really an option to begin with, and now I’m taking a break from cleaning out my room and preparing to tear everything up. I am defeated.
TL;DR: Took a shit that flooded my bathroom. It destroyed the insulation, A/C, a ton of possessions, and now the additional nightmare of my carpet.