Hayasaka: (offscreen, in the distance) Kaguya

Kaguya: Hayasaka?

Hayasaka: (offscreen, in the distance) Hey, Kaaaaguya!

Kaguya: Hayasaka? Are you far away, or are you inside something?

\[Kaguya opens a cabinet beneath the bathroom sink\]Kaguya: is there a camera?\[Kaguya tries to look inside the cabinet for a camera\]

Kaguya: Is everything a camera?

\[Kaguya nervously glances around\]

Hayasaka: (offscreen, in the distance) Kaguya, the bedroom, Kaguya. Come to the Bedroom!

\[Kaguya enters the room\]

Kaguya: Hayasaka? Where are you? Are you invisible and you’re gonna, like, make me confess to the president?

Hayasaka: Flip the plushie over!

Kaguya: What, I’m gonna touch it, and you’re gonna tell me it’s the president’s plushie or something.

Hayasaka: Come on, flip the pickle, Kaguya. You’re not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge.\[Kaguya hesitantly turns the plushie over. The plushie has Hayasaka’s face on it\]

Hayasaka: I turned myself into a plushie Kaguya! Boom! Big reveal: I’m a plushie. What do you think about that? I turned myself into a plushie! What are you just staring at me for, Kaguya? I turned myself into a plushie, Kaguya!

Kaguya: And?

Hayasaka: “And”? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a plushie, and Kayori is dead.

Kaguya: Is she?

Hayasaka: Who cares, Kaguya? Dramatic anime deaths happen every day. Uh, here’s something that’s never happened before: I’m a plushie I’m Plushie Hayasaka!

(This took longer than I want to admit)

Edit: fixed format