Here we observe something that has rarely been caught on camera:a reddit moderator,scientific name Neckbeardus powertrippus,in its natural habitat. We will research,in this extraordinary documentary,it’s habits,lifestyle and behavior,like never before.

The reddit moderator is a close (albeit slightly less obese) relative of the discord moderator (Neckbeardus tyrannicus),and they are the only two known remaining species of the Neckbeardus genus.

A reddit moderator is observed beginning its day at around 12am,as it has a very disorganized sleeping schedule. Weighing nearly 69,420 pounds,it of course requires a long time to get out of bed. It spends its time in it’s father’s attic,which is it’s natural habitat:this male specimen,already 30 or more years old,is a part of the largest subspecies of Reddit moderator,the powermod,known as Neckbeardus powertrippus megalomaniacus,and is also one of the most dangerous. This large male rushes to the computer in his attic,and turns it on right after getting out of bed. He enters one of the many subreddits he moderates,searching for users to ban for sustenance. Outside of powetrips and permabans,their digital diet,their real life physical diet consists of mountain dew and cheeto dust,as they often force their father into buying them those items at the local store and bringing them to him up in the attic. He discovers prey:a user on one of his subreddits that made a joke about him. This enrages him,causing him to permaban the user almost instantly,as this subspecies is known for lightning speed attacks. Much like his closest relative,the Discord mod,the Reddit mod is an apex predator in the digital world,with its only rival being the notorious Reddit admin,albeit they often cooperate.

Now,after gaining sufficient sustenance from the ban,the Reddit mod performs a ritual:playing over 4 hours of League of Legends while wearing a fedora. This ritual helps the Reddit mod gain a toxic body odor that warns predators to stay away from it,as well as to intimidate rival mods.

After performing the ritual,the Reddit mod crawls back to its bed in the attic,but it is not yet ready to go to bed:a rival mod from a subreddit with opposing views from the subreddit that this specimen moderates has sent brigadiers into their subreddit to spam and troll. This provokes it into a rage,and it sends its own users as brigadiers to the other sub in retaliation,causing a giant conflict. The two mods proceed to enter each other’s DMs and send vulgar threats to each other to provoke reactions. The ensuing chaos results in both subs being banned by the admins,the only species that is considered a predator of Reddit mods,and both moderators having their accounts suspended permanently. This is not a problem for them at all,however,as Reddit mods reproduce by constantly creating alt accounts to expand their access to moderation privileges.

Next time,we shall film a documentary on the Discord mod.