What the actual kid diddling hell nintendo! I have been a loyal fan since before the company was founded. And now I can’t even purchase your most popular item. What kind of fucking sick game are you playing? I’m a true nintendo fan and I can name every last one of the characters. Down to fucking paper Mario. I often have people walk up to me like, “oh you’re a nintendo fan? Name every last one of mario’s lines.” It’s so satisfying to see their eyes widen, their mouths agape as I recite the entirety of all the Mario games, even mimicking the sound effects of each unique super Mario maker level with my mouth. Slowly they fade away, denoting my victory.
How am I to play the new animal crossing game without a switch? I have input every last equation in my Texas Instruments TI-30 calculator and have found no conclusive answers to this question. I even asked the smartest kid in my class and he was equally dumbfounded, and he takes CALCULUS. Fucking CALCULUS. This is officially serious. How am I to obtain a goth gf with colored hair without the aid of ACNH! First you deprived me of gaming, but now you are also depriving me of a sex life! Shame on you!
Your customer service is also incredibly rude. The lady I spoke with told me the nintendo switch would not be consistently in stock at stores for at least another 2 months. I accused her of hoarding the damn things for herself, which she vehemently denied. Lying whore. I bet she eats switches for breakfast at that place, wherever it is.
Seriously, restock the switch or I will have to intervene. My dad watches a lot of Law and Order so he is practically a lawyer and we will sue your asses. Then I will be entitled to unlimited switches. Get naenaed Nintendo. I’m not even sure I can support you anymore, not after this.
If you don’t give me a free switch immediately I will find your racist tweets from the early days of the Internet and DESTROY you.