This contains classified information, but I feel like you can keep a secret, so here goes

I was minding my own business, telling idiot Karen’s on r/banvideogames how stupid they are when suddenly, an alert came on my screen. I dropped my mouse. It was a code purple (reddit code for TikTok cringe, you wouldn’t get it). This couldn’t be happening. I rushed to my boss, who filled me in on the situation. Someone on TikTok was doing a f*rtnite dance. This couldn’t be happening. We rushed to my computer and went to r/cringetopia. I scrolled down until he stopped me. “There”, he said. It was a video of a kid doing “the floss” (cringe fortnite dance). As I looked closer, I gasped.
“No”, I whispered
“Yes”, my boss replied
I guided my shaking finger to the title of the TikTok, pointing to 3 awful symbols: emojis. This problem requires le epic solutions. I watched through the whole video and waited until the end. (My boss was gone by this point)
“Blast! They censored the username!” I yelled. It wasn’t very good, but I couldn’t tell the full thing. I could make out F—t-it-_G-m-r1-7–. Using my wholesome skills, I made it out to be (forgive me for cursing) Fortnite_Gamer1-7–. All I need now are the numbers. I checked the comments, but nobody seemed to make out the username. I asked OP for their username, in which I didn’t get an answer. I kept asking and eventually I was banned for spamming. Very unpog. Everyone disliked that. But modern problems require modern solutions, so I took a screenshot of every frame in the video and searched google, hoping it would be a thumbnail for a YouTube video, in which it was. I found the kid’s YouTube channel and went to the description. There it was:
“Follow me on TikTrash and Instanormie at Fortnite_Gamer13745!” I found it. The comments were locked, so I just had to find it on that godforsaken app. I then was forced to do the unthinkable: create a TikTok account. I searched up his account and found the video. I then put my hands on the keyboard with a grin. I spammed him and told him to kill himself or play Minecraft, in which he deleted his account. Thankfully I took screenshots to post on r/iamatotalpieceofshit to show how toxic TikTok is, and I got thousands of wholesome updoots and creddits (that’s what I call reddit coins, if you were as wholesome as me you would understand why). But my work wasn’t done yet, they were still alive. I went back the YouTube video and went to their instacringe account, in which I was forced to do the unthinkable AGAIN: create an instacringe account. I was about to rant when I realized my mistake: I needed multiple accounts. I created 700 accounts and told them to kill themselves and how cringe they are on every single 1, and that seemed to do the trick. The next day I turned on the news and found the cringe 9-year-old normie shot himself with his dad’s shotgun. Satisfied, I sent a picture of the news screen and posted to r/pewdiepiesubmissions, r/wholesome, r/memes, r/dankmemes and I got a promotion and a raise of 20,000 karma. Everyone liked that. You get what you heckin deserve. Wholesome 100. Reddit 100.