“I’m Rudolph fictionkin (the 1964 one specifically), and my whole life there was always this slight… disconnect from the world. Like I didn’t really belong. The one thing that has always really stood out to me and made me feel like I belonged is the 1964 Rankin/Bass Rudolph film. It has always felt extremely personal, as if it was made specifically for me. I never understood why I felt this way and I often felt a bit silly for having such a deep-rooted connection to a Christmas special. But over the past year I slowly started to discover what otherkin and fictionkin were and after some time I began to realize: “What if all these feelings are because I’m someone from Rudolph?”

It was a slow questioning process, which I dragged out over around a month and a half. I’m still debating it myself now, even after all this time I’ve felt confident in it. But there are just so many little clues and experiences that when put together make total sense. It feels like my whole life a part of me has been shattered and the pieces hidden around me… and when put together, it all makes sense. It’s me.There’s many examples of these little clues from my life, most notably my extreme connection to Christmas and winter in general. It has always made me feel alive. It feels so comforting and familiar, and it’s when I’m happiest.I’ve also always had this fascination and almost pseudo-nostalgia for the late 1950’s- early 1970’s. The fashions, the music, the environment… it all seems so… right. That’s the best I can describe it. I’ve always kind of yearned to experience life in a vintage atmosphere, and it’s always held a special place in my heart. It does make sense for the time period, seeing that if this is indeed a past life I would have been alive during that time period.The other major thing is with deer and cervines in general. They’ve always fascinated me and I always dreamed of being able to see one up close. The way deer walk and run, the way their anatomy is shaped, the way they move their tails and ears…. it feels… right? in a sense. It feels like that should be me when I look at deer moving around. Walking like they do feels natural, and their anatomy feels as if it is my own.

Putting all these things together and exploring the possibility that this is me, that this may be who I once was but still partially am, has been a very rough but eye-opening journey. It’s definitely not always cheerful, though. Outsiders, and even some otherkin themselves seem to always be a bit in disbelief that I’m Rudolph because the idea of it seems a bit ridiculous. I mean it’s usually something people associate with silly songs and less traditional depictions of animals compared to those who are dragons from fiction or something similar. So it’s a bit tiring trying to explain why I feel this way and how I have so many reasons to believe this. But in the end I can’t deny these feelings. Everything about the film feels so familiar and personal to me, it’s always been such an important thing in my life. I cry when I watch it, because I view it from a deeper perspective than those just watching it once a year for the holidays. I’ve seen it so much that it’s ingrained in my mind, and everything about it exemplifies my interests and passions and identity so well. It’s tough seeing my experiences being taken as a joke when it holds such a deep meaning to me, but I understand that it’s difficult for others to see as I do.”