It all started one day when I was 5, I was walking home from my school in Florida. On this day while I was walking by Egg Shop, the local store where you can buy as many eggs as you can reasonably fit into a medium-sized grocery bag for a little under 3 cents, I noticed an egg that was approximately 50 times the size of a normal egg. Me, being the savvy buyer, grabbed The Egg, dunked it into the shopping bag, and brought it up to the cashier. I paid my 3 cents and went on my way, however as I was walking out of the store, I started hearing a ticking sound. Once I realized the incessant ticking was coming from my bag, I removed The Egg and inspected it. I discovered that the cashier forgot to remove the security tag. As I looked back at the cashier, he had a look in his eye that could only be described as pure terror before he ran to the other side of the store and took cover inside a giant metal box. I turned back around and walked out of the store. All of the passersby had started to run away from me at top speed. Confused, I took another look at The Egg and discovered it was beginning to turn an iridescent red and yellow before beginning to radiate a beautiful orange glow. As I stood transfixed, I began to hear voices and see pictures on the surface of The egg. There was an image of a hospital room, and the voices were saying such harrowing things like “Wake up please, your family misses you”, and “I… don’t think he can hear you”. At the moment The Egg’s radiance built up to an extreme, I momentarily fell out of consciousness.
As I awakened, I saw The Egg had exploded with the force of a bomb. I was absolutely soaked with egg. Everyone within 100 yards was caught in the blast zone. Everything as far as my egg covered eyes could see was coated in a viscous layer of egg, 1 inch thick. There were police lights and sirens in the distance, but they were unable to find ground zero because they were unable to get through the ocean of egg that was the street corner. Once I came to my senses I realized I should escape from the police. To facilitate my escape, I grabbed a chunk of its shell and used it as a raft in order to float down the Egg River. Once I reached solid ground, I simply continued my trek home. Once I opened the door, my mom came to greet me. However, when she saw the extensive trail of egg behind me, she simply said “Looks like you had fun. Go take a shower and do your homework before you go to bed.”
And that’s the story of how I became How To Basic, Thank you for listening.