Fuck me sideways with a Powerade bottle this is happening. When I smoke and lay in bed my creativity blasts and I become a professional engineer. I thought I could take a break from the regular old beating of meat and try something else. I took a glove, wrapped a towel around it, pulled the hole of the hole over the towel, and taped it together, and lubed that thing up. Boom bootleg pocket pussy. The thing felt like what I imagine it’d feel like to fuck Tiffany from Chucky. I was again smacked to all hell and it did it’s job. I went to clean up and heard my mom open my door. She’s an innocent old Indian woman with no understanding of sex as far as I know or at least hope to god is true. She sees the thing and asks me what it is and starts inspecting it. I took it from her before my wasted children could fall out and told her it was a knife cleaner. She becomes so proud of me and acts like I’m Albert Einstein if he took steroids instead of aderall. I disposed of the glove (easy cleaning. Like I said, fucking engineer.) and went on with my day like nothing happened. Fast forward 3 days and she calls me down and asks me to show her how to use the knife cleaner. So I assembled a pocket pussy in front of my poor mother and my older brother looks in horror. I pretend that I have no idea what he’s freaking out about. I lubed that thing up with dish soap, stuck a knife in that thing, and started to jack it slowly to not cut myself and scrub the curry off of it. She looks in awe and asks me to make her one to keep inside the cabinet and to buy more gloves when I’m coming home from the gym. Why does my teenage years have to do shit like this to me all the time.