Guys I was on my phone chilling in bed when literally, I shit you not, a fucking spider crawled across the pillow I was lying on, 2 inches away from my face. I was lying on my side and the mf crawled between my head and my phone.

I was already on edge after playing those horror games, so naturally, my fight or flight kicked in and I chose flight. I let out a battle cry and lept out of bed, smacking the light switch near milliseconds after the initial leap.

This wakes up my mom, who just tells me to “get back to bed”. She clearly does not understand the gravity of the situation. I go back in my room and I’m starting to think the spider might have been a figment of my imagination, and that I’ve finally lost my mind.

Suddenly, the fucker appears and scurries across my bed.

This son-of-a-bitch was yellow and black, and about the size of a toonie. I’m not even going to search that shit up cause I don’t want to know what horrors this beast entails. I grabbed a shirt, and smacked that mf straight into the vent. I’m not sure if I killed it or not.

So basically I’m going to need a new place to live, anybody willing to take me in? I’ll pay rent and do laundry.