Goth Ihop
**Employee**: “Hello, welcome to GOTH IHOP; what can I get ya?”
**RED GOLIATH**: “You don’t seem that goth to me”
**Employee**: “How come?”
**RED GOLIATH**: “you’re happy”
**Employee**: “Well I guess you don’t understand me, just like everyone else, but I’ll start over. Welcome to ecchi pancakes, or whatever, how can you inconvenience me today?”
**RED GOLIATH**: “That’s better, so let me get uhhhhhhhhhhh one big tiddie goth GF”
**Employee**:” Sir, this is an IHOP, we don’t sell people here”
**Tiny (obv black) Hippo**: “Bruh, you’re thinking of Denny’s”
**RED GOLIATH**: “OH yeah you right, so what do you guys even sell here then?”
**Employee**: “We sell hamburgers here”
**RED GOLIATH**: “BOY is Ihop really trying to gaslight me?”
**Employee**: “probably”
**RED GOLIATH**: “Boy, you might be the international house of pancakes, BUT THIS VIOLENCE GONNA BE DOMESTIC IF I DON’T GET PANCAKES”
**Employee**: “Do you really think death threats will work on a goth? Wanting to die is like our whole personality”
**RED** **GOLIATH**: “ILL DO IT!”
**Employee**: “Squeeze it!”
**Tiny (obv Black) Hippo**: “Bruh, I’ve had their pancakes, and they are not worth a felony”
**RED GOLIATH**: “Man you’re lucky I’m on multiple probations”
**Employee**: “Sooooo, can I get you anything else?”
**Tiny (obv Black) Hippo**: “Bruh you got any gluten-free options?”
**Employee**: “Yeah, your options are the door”
**Tiny (obv Black) Hippo**: “BRUH”
**RED GOLIATH**: “Anyway, how much are these pancakes gonna cost? Because I’m gonna need like a few stacks but I don’t got like stacks, you know? With like, you know, money”
**Employee**: “You’re a grown man at an IHOP, only people who come here are single dads, and people who would rather not get shot at a waffle house; we don’t expect you to have money”
**RED GOLIATH**: “JUST GET ME MY DARN PANCAKES”
**Employee**: “I’ll have to check, Do we have any pancakes?”
**Lego Chef**: “He wants pancakes? Yeah let me check \[Pause\] uh \[pause\] yeah we have a ton”
**Employee**: “Here you go”
**RED GOLIATH**: “BOY, these pancakes are burnt”
**Employee**: “they’re goth pancakes”
**Tiny (obv Black) Hippo**: “BRUH”
**RED GOLIATH**: “Boy, at least tell me you got some maple syrup for these hockey pucks”
**Employee**: “We can’t serve maple syrup anymore, it was deemed cultural appropriation to the Canadians”
**RED GOLIATH**: “I told you it was a matter of time before the liberals came for our pancakes”
**Tiny (obv Black) Hippo**: “Boy you have been saying that a lot”
**Employee**: “Well since we don’t have syrup you can have something else that’s hot and sticky”
**RED GOLIATH**: “HOLD UP”
**Employee**: “You can have my eggs and sausage”
**RED GOLIATH**: “WAIT A MINUTE”
**Employee**: “Or, we can just go to the back room and you can scramble my BUSSY”
**RED GOLIATH**: “GET OUT OF MY WAY SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOTH GIRLS?”
**Employee**: “You actually fell for it? There were never any goths here, or girls”
**Tiny (obv Black) Hippo**: “Bruh, it’s another one of IHOPS viral marketing tricks”
**RED GOLIATH**: “UH I’m not leaving empty-handed so I might as well get the eggs and sausage with the side of homemade ranch and the scrambled mmmmBUSSY”
**Employee**: “What, you weren’t supposed to be into it, I was being ironic when I told you to demolish my BUSSY, it was a joke bro”
**RED GOLIATH**: “WELL JOKES ON YOU IM INTO IT”
**Employee:** ***EEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH***
FEMBOY IHOP
EAT COME. BE HAPPY
(source)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta8qMl1-XE0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta8qMl1-XE0)