Hey everyone! This coronavirus pandemic sure is crazy. Allow me to give you some tips on how to practice social distancing and prevent disease spread in 3 SIMPLE STEPS! 😀

1) LICK. In order to stop yourself from getting coronavirus, you need to build up your immune system by exposing yourself to GERMS! And the best way to do this is by licking the dirtiest things in sight. I started in my own home, licking the bottoms of my shoes and the inside the toilet bowl. :3 Once I had some immunity built up, I took to the streets! I licked the sidewalk for the entire length from my house to my car, and then drove it to Chuck E Cheese and licked all the arcade games. Next, I drove to the gas station, where I licked the keypad for the gas pump and was tempted to lick the nozzle as well! And finally, for good measure, I went to the pediatric dentist and licked all the chairs. My immune system was so strong! :]

2) HUG! <3 Now, it was time to get FULLY IMMUNE to the virus. Research has shown that homeless people possess a special antibody that when transferred, gives you full coronavirus immunity. And the more homeless people you hug, the more antibodies you get!!! Yesterday, I went to downtown and hugged SIX homeless people (after giving spare change to them, of course)! They transferred their antibodies to me, and now I had full immunity from coronavirus!!!! I was free to do whatever I want!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDD

3) SNEEZE AND COUGH! The last thing to do is to spread your special antibodies to coronavirus patients so they can be immune too!! After I hugged the homeless people, I drove to the hospital where the coronavirus patients were being kept, determined to cure them! When I went to the coronavirus ward, some silly doctors and nurses tried to get in my way, but there’s a little-known password that will give you entrance: “I love you.” (On the rare occasion that doesn’t work, try this alternative: “Was that your husband I saw at the strip club?” Once you get in, you have to spread the special antibodies to them by coughing and sneezing on them. COUGH COUGH COUGH! SNEEZE SNEEZE SNEEZE! Now you have cured coronavirus for everyone in the hospital! HIGH FIVE!!

That’s all I got for ya! Let’s start licking, hugging, coughing, and sneezing!! And remember, if you wash your hands, the special antibodies go away!!!!! :)))))))