I swear I am not here to seek attention, I genuinely need to vent cause I have nobody to talk to… The truth is that I am so tired of living like this. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. I think about killing myself several times at day but I can’t because I don’t want my mom to suffer. So I won’t do that, but I swear I can’t stand it anymore. I must stay here in this hell. Everyday it’s the same, the same broken heart, the same void caused by lack of love/affection, the same loneliness, the same bad memories, the same feeling of disgust for myself, the same hate for what I see in the mirror, the same intrusive thoughts about food, the same anxiety, the same struggles with bulimia, the same hopelessness, the same feeling of worthlessness. My soul is so hurt that I am 23yo and I have no dreams or ambitions anymore. I lost my dreams some years ago so I left university and I don’t work atm. I spend my days in bed crying like you can see in the picture. Leaving the house gives me terrible anxiety. Additionally, I am very lonely. I don’t have a friends or a partner. Honestly I have never had those kind of things. I spent all my school years without a single friend because I was constantly bullied and marginalized, and I don’t have any experiences when it comes to love because I am ugly and I was always rejected by guys. So I grew up lonely without self esteem and now I hate myself and I am so close in my pain. I can’t forget their words about me being strange, creep, ugly, fat, and so on. I am very sensitive so it hurt so so much. And it still does. I am and I was an outcast. My life has no meaning. I am good for nothing. I am unloved, unloaveble, ugly, useless. That’s the truth. No friends, no lover, just emptiness, inside me and outside. I wish I was dead. Yes, I tried all, psychologists, psychiatrists, i take meds, but nothing seems to work when you lack human warmth. Sorry for my english…