Depends on how much coffee I had before my morning poop and the amount of fiber intake I got in the day before. One of the best things you can do after drinking your coffee that has a shot of espresso is to hold it in as much as you can. I am serious. There is something absolutely amazing about sitting there and taking in more coffee while your colon screaming at you, “GET TO THE BATHROOM! WE HAVE TO SHIT RIGHT NOW!” It feels great because the fiber has packed it down hard enough that it starts to press down on your prostate. It is like assplay without the assplay and your wife telling you, “NO! I’M NOT GOING TO PUT MY FINGER IN THERE! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT IT.” Fine, fuck you bitch. You give a shitty blowjob anyways. Just suck on the head of my dick and expect me to like it? Whatever. Just hold the shit in until you feel pleasure of your prostate being pushed on turns into discomfort and pain, and then release. You should be pretty fucking empty then. And as for fiber, make sure you go soluble and insoluble. Nuts are great, along with fruits and vegetables. Celery is probably the best, but you’ll need to down it with some peanut butter or vegetable dip (think bleu cheese, ranch, etc.). Anyways, the best analogy for fiber and coffee cleaning out your colon is that the fiber is the excavator packing the dirt into the back of the dump truck, while the coffee is the hydraulic lift system that dumps the dirt over at the dump site.

[Sauce](http://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/2zzpw9/if_you_weigh_99_pounds_and_eat_a_pound_of_nachos/cpns916?context=5)