Honey please come back to us. It’s your husband, Cummy. We met in middle school. We’ve been married for 30 years.
Right now you’re in a coma. You seem to think I am some sort of auto-reply bot on this website called Reddit. This is the only way I can reach you.

You have to break out of the coma. Please, I can’t deal with our children by ourselves any longer.

I know it’s gonna be hard to leave this world behind, where you’ve concocted this life where your existence revolves around food, sleep, and the internet. But you have to wake up, for me.

I love you. Wake up.

Your love,

Cummy