Now I’m no scientist but I’ve always wondered why he’s so fast and after studying his races for 6 weeks I’ve come to the conclusion that its because he runs with a boner and here’s why. So aerodynamically speaking a boner cuts through the wind resistance better than a flabby dick a flabby dick acts almost like a parachute adding wind resistance to the runner thus slowing him down. But Usain runs with boner thus acting like a spear cutting through the wind making the wind have the smallest affect on him. Where as his opponents flabby dicks slow them down. I do believe he uses performance enhancing drugs (viagra) to get and keep these race winning boners. Thank you for taking the time to read my research paper

Edit everyone who sees this tweet Usain Bolt saying “Stop using your boners to cheat” to let him know we’re onto him